I wish I had known about this when we had all that fucking snow this winter.
#do you wanna stab a snowman #it doesn’t have to be a snowman
#it doesn’t have to be a snowman
the last one though lol
If you command me to do something that I was already planning on doing the chances of me doing that thing automatically drop to zero
does anyone else feel kinda chubby sometimes when ur on the computer
so u just take ur shirt and
the truest comic ever
this is perfection
I was not expecting the last one
i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed
i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police
Seeing someone slowly lose interest in you is probably one of the worst things ever
fun fact: once in biology my teacher told us that “if you’re ever crying wipe the tears all over your face and they’ll help clear up your skin” then he explained that because tears are designed to clear dust and dirt from your eyes and will do the same for your skin and clear up acne and i remember thinking “excellent, fandom will make me beautiful”
this isn’t how i want to be remembered
imagine if girls used the same style of joke to degrade men like “cool story bro now go chop some lumber”GO CHOP SOME LUMBER
"what r u doing out of the garage go fix my car"
"Don’t you have something to fix somewhere."
don’t shit on people for having self confidence and being happy with their appearance like how bitter are you
My friend’s dad used to work at a movie theatre where a lot of celebrities came to apparently and one time Tom Hanks came in and he was feeding tickets into the machine and couldn’t see anything so the guy up top was like “dude, that’s Tom Hanks” and her dad was like “yeah right if that’s Tom Hanks I’ll start eating these tickets” and Tom Hanks leans over the counter and whispers “start eating the tickets”
dating me means dating my anxiety and my random spouts of depression it means dating my panic attacks at 11pm or 2 am or 5am or anytime of the day for that matter it means dating my mood swings where i get really upset over everything about me and all my insecurities and how i’m not good enough because i’m never good enough
attempting to hide your desperate need for breath after a short flight of stairs